Yoga: Positivity and The Irony

Raising my arms up into a namaste, extending my spine, I took in a breath of fresh air and felt the calm surround me. It was a perfect start for the yoga session. Birds chirping, distant sounds of a bus passing by, the old washing machine trying hard to accomplish its task of spinning complaining about its overload.. I was one with myself and my breath.

As I bent down exhaling into the second step of the Surya namaskar, the extended spine cooperated a bit permitting my fingers to touch the floor with ease. The joy of being able to touch the floor with ease made me hold the pose for sometime. After experiencing the sthira and starting to embark on the sukha, my mother in law popped into my head and a hypothetical situation was built out where she was complaining about how I was squandering money and not earning any. (as I quit work recently). I continued on to the next pose without realizing.

Mind you she was sitting probably in her living room 5000km away sipping on her tea in peace and never has she ever once chided me about my job or my spending habits. But in my head this scenario was developing hands, legs, a body and by the end of 6 suryanamaskar we had a detailed talk in which I lashed out some dialogues in movie style and was on the winning side... all in my head!!!!

The break gave me a moment to pause and reflect about the absurdity of the thought process. I took a few free flowing deep breaths and decided to focus on my breath to enhance the yoga experience.

Proceeding on to Vrukshasana (tree pose), I emptied my head and raised my arms into a namaste and propped my leg feet against the right upper thighs. The balance took a while to arrive and so the breathing focus came a bit late.

Holding the pose, breathing in, breathing out, feeling the universe, why did my cousin have to act so childish, Can't she realize that people have a right to expression and they may or may not comment on her posts, What is this compulsion that people have to compliment whenever she posts something, Who leaves the whatsapp group for such silly reasons...

Vrukshasana also passed by and I finished chiding my cousin.. in my head!!!

Veerabhadrasana (warrior pose) is an all encompassing asana which has positive effects on a lot of organs and a lot of muscle groups as well. I was determined to let the effect percolate my mind and keep it light and positive. So I took a break, kept repeating 

"No negative thoughts, be one with yourself"

Hands raised up into a namaste, left leg back, right knee bent, look up ..
..feeling the pain in my adductors..
..breathing in, holding the pose
..finding my sthira
..why did my sister in law say such a nasty thing to my mother in law?
... stop!!! breathe in breathe out
...She is a sensible lady, cant she think twice before saying it?
..what am I doing? breathe in breathe out
...Would she do the same to her mother? She should apologize
...oh well this is not going to work. Let me just continue the trail of thoughts.

By the end of the session 

Balasana had a friend I deemed selfish for company

Trikonasana had my husband and his unwillingness to workout

Dandasana had my mother and her unwillingness to diet

Veersasana had another friend and his ego

Despite the train of thoughts, I felt awesome at the end of every session.

The pattern kept repeating everyday for a week.. ofcourse the people I reprimanded and the asanas were not constant. There were days when the same person got scolded throughout all the asanas.

Determined to find a solution to this irony of unpleasant thoughts during yoga and blissful feeling later, I approached a few yoga teachers, referred books and all seemed to emphasize on the fact that flow and letting go is what makes yoga a complete experience. Straining to change the odd thoughts that pop up is against the flow.

So I finally acceded... and let things float around in the mind as they want.

5 months later, I am still scolding people in my head but probably 25% less and still feel content. The yoga positivity has emerged slightly twisted for me and hopefully will be there one day where I find sthira and sukha in my breath and not in chiding others.